Do I look like her?

Have you ever been out and seen someone that you perceive to have a similar body type to yours and wonder is that what I look like? I do this all the time and I may be the only person that does this, but I have to believe that there are others out there that are just as curious.
Even though I look in the mirror every day and I am very familiar with my shape and size I still find that I view myself differently from the way the world sees me. I can't understand or explain the difference between my mirror reflection and what I see of myself in photos...one I think is not that bad and the other I feel is hideous most of the time!
So I find myself constantly looking at other woman who I think are my shape and size and comparing myself to them. I have asked my husband a few times "am I bigger than her?" or "are we the same size?" but mainly I keep these questions to myself, because I am afraid of what the answer will be. On the few occasions that I did ask out loud, I got mixed results. For now I will continue to look in the mirror and avoid looking at myself in pictures. I'll try to focus on feeling good and hoping that helps me look good too!

New Look goes Unnoticed!

So I got my hair cut last Saturday, that is 6 days ago now! Do you know how many people have noticed...0, not even my mom or sister! I mean seriously?!
I have had the same hair-do off and on since I was in the sixth grade. Long, all one length, parted on the side, tucked behind the ear. I have cut it short over the years, but eventually I just grow it back out. I've been growing it this time since about July 2008. It had gotten really long and kinda unruly so I went to get my twice yearly trim. I asked for 3 inches off, but then said I wouldn't mind having some long layers as well. He started cutting and 3 turned to 6 I couldn't believe my eyes! I was not sure how I felt about the new do when I left the salon, but 6 days later I am really loving it, but I guess I am the only one.
I think it looks very different from the hum-drum no style look I had just two weeks ago, but yet not 1 person...not friend, family or foe has taken notice. It's left me wonder if it looks as good as I think it does.
What do you think?

Plain Long Hair in Sept 2010

New Shorter Layered Look

The Golden Rule for Fat Girls

This rule should apply to everyone, but it is especially important that it applies to us fat girls. Never, ever, ask someone if they are pregnant! You can congratulate women you know who are pregnant, but under no circumstances is it ever ok to ask a stranger if they are expecting. Unless of course you are asking for medical reasons.

very similar to the one I was wearing

Prior to having my daughter I had a lot of empire waisted tops, sweaters and dresses. I didn't think much about them until I was pregnant and had to start wearing all of empire waisted maternity clothes. Since then I have rarely dared to put one of those pieces back on...knowing that it looks like it could be (I said COULD BE, because it is NOT) maternity clothes. This weekend I put on what used to be one of my pre-baby favorite sweaters...buttons at the top and swings open at the bottom. I was just running errands and felt no need to get dressed up. Off to the bank I went where I had to actually conduct business at the side desks instead of the teller, as I was leaving she asked me "are you expecting?" When I said no, (my face made it clear I was thinking more than "NO") she tried to play it off saying that I looked like one of the customers that she thought was pregnant.
I wanted to shout at her and tell her, "NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT...I'm just fat...does there have to be a reason that I look like this?" I wanted to tell her how incredibly rude she was and how she had ruined my day, but I said "no" laughed it off, got into my car and posted my FML moment on Facebook!
This is not the first time this question has been asked of me, it usually happens about one time a year. It is hurtful to me on so many levels. First because I am just fat, there is no excuse for me being this size. Secondly because I am never strong enough to turn around and tell them to go to hell. And finally because maybe I wish that I was pregnant and you asking me that reminds me that I am not. You don't know me, so why would you be so mean?
To all those who will say "I'm sure she wasn't being mean, she was trying to be friendly"...I suspect you have been here for yourself.

What is the difference between me and the skinny girl?

I just got back from my Endocrinologist appointment this morning (my diabetes Dr.). I go every three months for a visit, we go over my blood work results, she listens to my heart and lungs, she checks my feat and my blood pressure and she always weighs me. It's the last one that I dread the most, and I'm sure it is the same for any fat girl out there. It is always the worst part of the Dr.'s appointment. A lot can happen in the 3 months between my visits...including gaining or losing weight. When I'm down she celebrates my success, but when I'm up I feel I have to justify the gain (or lie about being on my period).
Needless to say I was up a bit this month, it was not unexpected on my end. But after 2 visits showing great weight loss, I'm sure it was a surprise for her. It got me thinking...what is so different between me and the skinny girl (like my Dr.). How is it that she can weigh the same thing year after year and have just minor fluctuations over that time period? The weight fluctuations that skinny girls have over the course of a year or more are what I have over a 3 month period. I just know there is a secret that skinny bitches are keeping to themselves!

Why is it called "fun size"?

I'm a big fan of imposed portion control. I obviously don't have the will power to stop eating so I like when things come in nice little single serve amounts. I LOVE 100 calorie packs. Look in my cabinet today and you will probably find at least 7 different items packaged in perfect 100 calorie portions. If I sit down with a bag of chips, I usually eat the whole (or at least half) of the bag. So it works for me to have these snacks so easy to grab and I know that I won't binge.
I tried to apply that logic to all foods thinking that "Fun Size" candy bars are sort of the equivalent of the 100 calorie snack pack, but I learned yesterday that the same principle does not translate to candy! I love chocolate and especially candy bars. Occasionally I will succumb to the display at the checkout line and buy one on my way out of the grocery store. I eat my 1 candy bar, it is good, I enjoy it, it is done. I never buy 3-4 candy bars and binge on them, just 1 and I am satiated with that. So why is it that yesterday I found myself eating 1 after another "fun size" kit-kat bar out of my daughters Halloween candy bucket? I stopped after I consumed 6 minis bars and realized I had just eating 3 full size candy bars! Wow, I'm just glad I stopped when I did.